Wednesday, October 14, 2015


I filled out a job application form today. It was a tediously long Q&A that I scribbled my way through, barely pausing, even at the questions that touched on the personal. But one question brought me to a complete standstill. "What is the one thing that you would change about yourself?" After a few painful moments of blankness, I seriously considered putting a dash there and moving on, but I realized how conceited that would be. 'Think!' I ordered myself. "I wouldn't mind being thinner," my mind said. Then it went 'Thooo'. It's not that I'm perfect, it's just that I'm so at peace with everything, even myself, that I really have no five year plan for my soul. So, I thought back to my previous jobs and decided to put down something about being able to handle people better. It was not well thought out. But now, as I sit at my computer, thoroughly annoyed, I realize the truth behind what I wrote.

Do you feel a black demon rising inside you when you ask someone a question and they respond with another question? Does your skull part to give way to horns when someone doesn't respond when they should, even after having seen your time-sensitive message? Do your fingers twitch with murderous intent when people speak in tangents, barely making sense and yet expecting you to understand? Do you imagine people slowly roasting over a flame because they've misunderstood you so completely that they've just dowsed you with a bucket-load of troubles?

As you can see, I have a problem... Reading what I just wrote, I realize I have two. I use too many evil Satanic metaphors. But that's something I'll deal with when I finally make my way down there. For now, I'm looking at all the impatience and shaking my head impatiently. Why is it so hard?

I'm tempted to blame the oil in my hair- I always feel like a witch when my tresses are well greased. My nose feels sharper and my teeth pointier. I wanna bite. Or take a bath. Sanity says I should do the latter. I don't know.

It's no surprise I isolate myself quite a bit. I'm one those friendly people who rarely make friends. I often ask myself what I would eat if I was marooned on an uninhabited island. I spend more time with my dogs than with people. I like bittergourd. But is all this cause for concern, for change? You're nodding your head vigorously, I know, but wait!

There's a convincing argument in my favor........I just haven't thought of it yet. It's elusive at this point. Slippery, I'd say. Dammit! It's the oil again! I have to go get some shampoo to turn my life around.

Minutes later...

"Anna, don't you have Head and Shoulders Lemon Fresh shampoo?"

"Are you going to take a bath at this time of the night?"

And the demon rises....

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