I decided to try some floor exercises recently. You know what I'm talking about. You go to the store, buy a new yoga mat, shoes, socks, head band, wrist band, ugly track pants and then come home feeling like you lost 10 kilos just because your debit card is lighter. Worse, you look like you escaped from some 70's disco zoo for humans.
So I did that. And as usual, I was humbled beyond all belief. The conclusion I have come to is that I may possibly have no core. If I do, then as the flat bellied exercise gurus insist, I do not want to engage it. You hear me, I DO NOT want to engage my core. I want to divorce it. What is the procedure for that please?
How do they do it so elegantly in the videos, man? Each time my leg starts towards the floor from above, it falls with a thud. Like its dead. Like its not connected to my brain in any way. I feel like a beast, I tell you, a beast. Maybe its an Indian thing. Take yesterday, for example. As I fell this way and that, the spicy Ruchi mixed vegetable pickle in my stomach decided to reverse direction and come up the tube. So to complete the beast image, I was breathing fire. To add the nail to the coffin, let me assure you- the only exercise I could do with ease and grace was the donkey kick. I realize now that I should not be proud of myself for that, not even a little bit.
I don't like the instructors, I must add. Even though I don't know them, as human beings, I don't like them. They smile. They SMILE. How? I know they don't have scalp sweat that runs into their eyes and burns them. Still, its just obscene. Rude. Keep your core and your smile. Instead, tell me how to get a refund on all the crap I bought. Then I'll smile.
So anyway, the final conclusion I have come to is that there are people like me in the world, who should only be vertical. Walk, run, zumba, whatever, but keep that stomach and those thighs below sea level. Do not go horizontal. You'll just see things you don't want to see, and feel them too. Don't forget the pickle. Let that be your guide. Listen to your body. Let the pickle travel down, and be at peace.
