Inner Pieces

People say that the path to salvation lies in your spiritual evolution. On the way, you attain such things as inner peace. I don't know about that.

The whole thing is pretty nerve-wracking, if you ask me. Once you assimilate the fact that the Universe is governed by this wacky law and that your thoughts and beliefs create your reality, there's no going back from that quicksand. Let me explain.

You know how sometimes people get asked what their favorite time of the day is, and they say that its when they wake up in the morning? I find that impressive. When I wake up, even before my consciousness fully kicks in, I involuntarily think, "Oh shit, not again." Then, as the booting up process completes, I realize that I just put a really negative thought out there and desperately try to undo it.  

"No, No, Universe, I didn't mean that. I meant, wow, another day of possibilities, I'm so grateful, yes, I am, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

It's a desperate and pathetic attempt. Most of the time, I'm sure the Universe only registered the first output and I'm going to fall dead. The Universe would go (in Morgan Freeman's voice) "So Ye Asked, So Ye Shall Receive!" and make a horrid pinching movement and down here, I'd croak. 

This is my morning ritual, and please note, I haven't even opened my eyes yet. Inner peace, my ass.

How can something that sucks the joy out of life, give me eternal joy? That's what I want to know. So the guy who cuts me off in traffic- I can't imagine his death in gruesome detail? It's not like I'm going to kidnap and kill him. Can't I just imagine it? NOOOOOOOOOO, says spirituality. You must bless him. I mean, come on!

When I was a little girl, times were simpler. We knew about this thing called Karma. Back then, it was pretty practical. An eye for an eye. Don't do bad stuff or bad stuff would happen to you. There was no talk about thoughts and feelings and beliefs. We were all free to nourish the utmost evil in the cesspools of our minds. Don't you yearn for simpler times like that? You released everything and lived carefree. 

Now, masters like Buddha have set us these bad examples we feel obliged to follow. Books have been published. You can't walk 10 feet without stumbling on someone who talks about inner engineering. It's all light, love, rainbows and unicorns. Makes me sick, sometimes. Rainbow colors. Black is also a respectable color, you know. I want to wear black, learn ten different types of martial arts and take down 20 people at the same time? Answer me honestly, wouldn't that be far more satisfying than 20 hours of meditation?

Meditation! Don't get me started on that! Lord in heaven. if there was ever a way to make you want to embrace the dark side, it's meditation. How many hours can you sit like that and not achieve a psychotic break?! Don't you have thighs that protest? Knees that creak? Brains that check out? I don't know.

All in all, what has spirituality done for me? I think I have become paranoid and life, more stressful. And inner peace? Please. Inner pieces is more like it. 

Bless you all!