Thai Paasam- the first two days.

Any journey to foreign shores should perhaps begin at the airport, not just because it's one's first footsteps in that country, but because you get a small sampling of what the people are like when you start walking amongst them. Even sleep walking. I won't say much about the flight because it wasn't that great, except that it left me totally sleep-deprived. See!

So my first impression of Thailand is a blurry view of a sea of legs- white legs of all sizes in high heels; some impossibly high, in miniskirts or oh-so-short shorts. I did the customary gawking, and discovered it gets boring pretty soon. My only question is this- didn't these people ever crawl as toddlers?! Men and women- all of 'em with unblemished flawless knees! It's like they slipped out of the womb, sashayed to their crib and climbed in. Nonsense, I say.


Anyway, the taxi ride to my chosen house was uneventful except for the fact that I was very comforted by a fateful sign. Hanging from the dashboard was the driver's details and as I peered at his complicated name, I felt a wave of reassurance. Mr. Tapueayporn was driving me home. Now some people would have become apprehensive about the 'porn' thingy especially when it's preceded by a 'tap you ay?', and would have imagined being abducted and sold into the thriving sex trade. Not me. Not with a name like mine. After being called 'Porni' by foreigners trying hard not to guffaw as well as typing 'Porni' myself 3 times out of 7 when I enter my email id, I've come to regard the term with quite some affection. So yeah, I just smiled, thumbs upped my guardian angel and said to myself "all is well" (Jokes aside, apparently 'porn' means love in Thailand so quite a few people have names ending that way.)

The house I am living in is beautiful and cosy and the people super-friendly.

 But I'm gonna skip ahead to the part where I put on my shoes and took off for the streets.

First of all, transportation is awesome! The tuk tuks are cute, there are plenty of red taxis, there are trucks that are like share-autos, the motorbike taxis are plentiful and I am loving my main means of transport- the super efficient BTS line- the metro railway. But I admit it was the motorbike taxis that made me gawp initially. To a girl who's always loved motorbikes and was always determined to get a boyfriend who would drive me around in style; low bike, cool jacket and all, my eyes lit up at the sight of them and garbled the message it sent to my brain. Rent-a-bike became rent-a-boyfriend. Maybe I should be called Porni after all.... anyway, with some time, however, I changed my mind. Sweet chaps and  all that, but most Thai guys are really not my type. I have a slightly racist libido, you see, that veers towards darker skin, which should feel right at home here, because apparently there is an undercurrent of racism, as one of my roomates tells me. She and her Indian boyfriend had a very tough time finding a house cause many people turned them down with a gruff 'no dark skin'. And it exists in certain other areas such as schools, when it comes to selecting teachers as well. Taking it further, in many of the local schools, foreign teachers cannot enforce physical discipline. They have to run out and get a Thai colleague! But from personal experience, so far, the people have been kind and helpful to me, one or two even going out of their way to help, all smiles and bobbing-head-politeness. I find it heart-warming.

I explored the city today with a brief respite in between to watch the movie- Elysium (ugh, please don't watch it). I took in one mall, mostly because I had to walk through it to get elsewhere, but Siam Paragon was definitely a slice of life I'm not used to. The supermarket was overwhelming. I can't believe I'm saying this, but- Way too much choice! I saw all the stuff that hitherto, I'd only seen on Master chef or Top chef. Fascinating range of ingredients. I stopped and stared frequently, shaking my head and moving on.

I saved the best for last- the streets of Thailand.....

I don't know how many kilometers I've walked these last two days, but I've loved every minute of it. The sights and sounds and smells are not overwhelming- it's actually familiar in a way. It feels like looking at a painting where the background is the same, but the colors are different....

The food scene is just as amazing as promised. Non-vegetarians would have a blast, for sure. But desserts are aplenty too, especially the popular mango with coconut sticky rice. Vegetarians just need to look deeper. There's a purely vegetarian place called Banana Family Park- a line of street food shops, in fact, that sell at really cheap rates. It's all just so interesting- the variations of soy proteins, the varieties of mushrooms and gravies that you can just point to and get piled on to a plate with some brown rice. I love it and I can see that I'm going to be haunting the place in my time here.

I must move on to liquids. It's probably enough if I declare my new resolution to the whole world. Resolution is too weak a word, let's call it my new mantra- 'Make every gulp count!'. Seriously, water just doesn't cut it anymore! There's pure passion fruit juice and orange juice sold on the streets in bottles that cost like 30 to 50 rupees. And tender coconut water on ice, always ALWAYS sweet. And in the stores, there's an endless variety of juices- I mean, Mediterranean grape juice with actual peeled grapes in it?! Yes, please!

Yesterday, I saw a lot of beautiful faces. Today, I'm looking at the glamor closely, to see beyond the makeup- and oh boy, there's a lot of make up, let me tell you. For a race that is seemingly genetically engineered to look like dolls, they seem obsessed with looking even better! As I'm hanging onto the handrail in the metro, I gawk at the TV screen which just throws out one commercial after another- so many whitening creams, for heavens sake! This beauty product and that, over and over....And on the streets too- the incredible nail spas, the I-will-rearrange-your-spine-if-you-just-look-at-me footwear, the clothing... it's certainly all fashionable, but my head did spin when I saw the street vendor selling tiny bottles with contact lenses to make pupils looks wider! And stuff like this-

Is it a well developed aesthetic sense or an exaggerated amount of beauty consciousness? I don't know yet. But on the flip side- it is the same sense of aesthetics that takes their creativity to the next level, and levels beyond that! I have not seen many examples of Thai people just settling for something functional- they add a touch of beauty to everything, or fun, or whimsy. There are times that I just feel like stopping and applauding- I truly appreciate the effort they take to make everything around them beautiful. It adds grace to life, and makes them nicer for it, I think. The way they keep their city clean, stand obediently in queues... Life here is more... patient I would say, even if the pace is faster. You need to feel the vibe to get what I just said. Here's a store that has the most maverick mannequins I've ever seen!

More soon!...

Terrible Twos

Life seems full of these terrible twin questions...

Do I do what makes me happy or find joy in what I do?
Do I seek people who enrich my life or find worth in those who are in it?
Follow my heart or follow my mind?
Gulam Jamuns or Rasagullas?

Damn it all.....

Types of profiles (Men) found on Matrimonial websites.

The Applicant -
This is a man who knows how to use Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V. That is how he transferred the information from his bio-data into his profile.

The Man on the Street -
This is the hopeful, who has just enough of a vocabulary to scrape together a broken phrase or on a good day, a complete sentence. He knows the word soulmate and he'll use it. His profile, unfailingly, has at least 4 rows of vital information headed 'My qualification', 'My hobbies', 'What my friends say', 'What is marriage'.

The Preacher -
These are the guys who missed their calling. Paragraphs and paragraphs of sermon-like text, the monotony broken by beautifully capitalized sentences running together with too much passion for paltry things like punctuation.

The Strong, Silent type -
Yes, they're silent, but they're not strong, at least not in the head. They see no need for descriptions. The scary photograph does all the talking, because the words simply say "will tell you later'. Right.

The Obvious -
These guys mouth platitudes but make it sound like they've had epiphany after epiphany and these revelations are too good to not be shared. Things like "It is better to talk a few times and then get married", "two people have to have understanding to make the relationship work," and so on. It makes you want to weep, the depth of that wisdom.

The Recycler -
This is another guy who's hit upon the brilliant idea of copy-pasting. He lifts someone else's (usually a brilliant woman's) profile, word for word. Something doesn't gel when you read it and sure enough, a Google search of the content will lead you to the original.

The Grammar Slammer- 
A crisp round of bullets shooting across the page. 'graduate. working in MNC. good family.' Completely eliminates the hassle of using things like pronouns, conjunctions or any element of grammar. Why complicate things?

The Uber-cool -
Their pictures show them standing next to their bike, car or at the least, wearing shades. Sometimes you get lucky and they're not wearing a shirt. They don't have much to say, really, because well, they just don't.

The Drugged -
They can also be called 'the dot-dot-dotters'. They've rambled, don't make much sense and they've used '........' a lot, because in the intervals when their brains stopped working, their fingers apparently did not.

I yam yan Yindian -
'I want fair, god-fearing, BEAUTIFUL girl, adjusting homely type, must look after me, my parents'. You can almost see him peeing against a wall. Enough said.

The Mouthpiece -
These guys have endearing parents or siblings who're doing all the dirty work. Well, not exactly dirty, but it makes you wonder if he can wipe his own bottom, speaking metaphorically, of course. Or am I?

The All-encompassing -
They'll accept 'widows, divorced etc'. They're split over the issue of children however. Some say it's okay, some have a problem. Whatever. Just be thankful that if you are 'flawed' by falling into any such category that makes it obvious you aren't a virgin anymore, there are goods souls out there who will give you a second chance at life.

The Wounded -
These guys are talking to their exes. They'll tell you how much they hate 'LIARS', people who play games, who do this and that and this and that. You know that years of therapy won't make a difference, so you just pray for their souls.

The Wordless Philosopher -
These guys start off with 'It's hard to describe oneself", "I can't believe I'm doing this", "I don't think words can explain who I am," or something similar and most of them end immediately afterwards with "let's meet and you can find out about me." I want to put one of these guys against one of the preachers (see above) in an arena to see who wins a fight to the death.

The Anna University(or equivalent) graduate -
These are quite easy to pick out. Their profiles teeter on the edge between being a bio-data and a sensible write-up. When I talk to them, I hear impeccable English delivered in a pronounced Indian accent. They use words like 'mingle'. They're very proper...and very boring.

The Demi-God -
These are men who are completely, passionately and dizzily in love with themselves, which is a shame because they almost are as intelligent, funny and articulate as they say. The only problem is that they are so admiring of themselves, the arrogance reaches non-attractive levels. At the least, you can see that it has warped their perspective of the people around them. These are the guys who say things like "they have a sense of humor like no one else's", "they see the world the way others don't", "they're amazingly rare" and so on- as if they've met every person in the world, compared themselves against them and found all others lacking.

The God -
The God is the Demi-God concentrated to an insufferable degree. Condescending, self-absorbed and of course, so irrefutably convinced of being the single most precious human being on Earth that it, ironically, gives him a sort of tunnel-vision and narrow-mindedness that you can't wait to get away from.

The One -
These guys are cool; they're the diamonds that you come across once in a blue moon, the ones you're willing to sift through tons of silt for.. Tons and tons and tons.

Marina Thatha

A Chennai icon- 'Marina thatha' (grandpa). This eccentric man can be found on his bulging two-wheeler driving along the Marina beach or in areas around it, selling knick-knacks. The first time I saw him, he was giving a biscuit packet to a homeless man .

Be still, my beating heart!

 My break-down on profiles I've found on dating/matrimonial sites online.

_______________________

The Applicant- This is a man who knows how to use Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V. That is how he transferred the information from his bio-data into his profile.

The Man on the Street- This is the hopeful, who has just enough of a vocabulary to scrape together a broken phrase or on a good day, a complete sentence. He knows the word soulmate and he'll use it. His profile, unfailingly, has at least 4 rows of vital information headed 'My qualification', 'My hobbies', 'What my friends say', 'What is marriage'.

The Preacher- These are the guys who missed their calling. Paragraphs and paragraphs of sermon-like text, the monotony broken by beautifully capitalized sentences running together with too much passion for paltry things like punctuation.

The Strong, Silent type- Yes, they're silent, but they're not strong, at least not in the head. They see no need for descriptions. The scary photograph does all the talking, because the words simply say "will tell you later'. Right.

The Obvious- These guys mouth platitudes but make it sound like they've had epiphany after epiphany and these revelations are too good to not be shared. Things like "It is better to talk a few times and then get married", "two people have to have understanding to make the relationship work," and so on. It makes you want to weep, the depth of that wisdom.

The Recycler- This is another guy who's hit upon the brilliant idea of copy-pasting. He lifts someone else's (usually a brilliant woman's) profile, word for word. Something doesn't gel when you read it and sure enough, a Google search of the content will lead you to the original.

The Grammar Slammer- A crisp round of bullets shooting across the page. 'graduate. working in MNC. good family.' Completely eliminates the hassle of using things like pronouns, conjunctions or any element of grammar. Why complicate things?

The Uber-cool- Their pictures show them standing next to their bike, car or at the least, wearing shades. Sometimes you get lucky and they're not wearing a shirt. They don't have much to say, really, because well, they just don't.

The Drugged- They can also be called 'the dot-dot-dotters'. They've rambled, don't make much sense and they've used '........' a lot, because in the intervals when their brains stopped working, their fingers apparently did not.

I yam yan Yindian- 'I want fair, god-fearing, BEAUTIFUL girl, adjusting homely type, must look after me, my parents'. You can almost see him peeing against a wall. Enough said.

The Mouthpiece- These guys have endearing parents or siblings who're doing all the dirty work. Well, not exactly dirty, but it makes you wonder if he can wipe his own bottom, speaking metaphorically, of course. Or am I?

The All-encompassing- They'll accept 'widows, divorced etc'. They're split over the issue of children however. Some say it's okay, some have a problem. Whatever. Just be thankful that if you are 'flawed' by falling into any such category that makes it obvious you aren't a virgin anymore, there are goods souls out there who will give you a second chance at life.

The Wounded- These guys are talking to their exes. They'll tell you how much they hate 'LIARS', people who play games, who do this and that and this and that. You know that years of therapy won't make a difference, so you just pray for their souls.

The Wordless Philosopher- These guys start off with 'It's hard to describe oneself", "I can't believe I'm doing this", "I don't think words can explain who I am," or something similar and most of them end immediately afterwards with "let's meet and you can find out about me." I want to put one of these guys against one of the preachers (see above) in an arena to see who wins a fight to the death.

The Anna University(or equivalent) graduate- These are quite easy to pick out. Their profiles teeter on the edge between being a bio-data and a sensible write-up. When I talk to them, I hear impeccable English delivered in a pronounced Indian accent. They use words like 'mingle'. They're very proper...and very boring.

The Demi-God- These are men who are completely, passionately and dizzily in love with themselves, which is a shame because they almost are as intelligent, funny and articulate as they say. The only problem is that they are so admiring of themselves, the arrogance reaches non-attractive levels. At the least, you can see that it has warped their perspective of the people around them. These are the guys who say things like "they have a sense of humor like no one else's", "they see the world the way others don't", "they're amazingly rare" and so on- as if they've met every person in the world, compared themselves against them and found all others lacking.

The God- The God is the Demi-God concentrated to an insufferable degree. Condescending, self-absorbed and of course, so irrefutably convinced of being the single most precious human being on Earth that it, ironically, gives him a sort of tunnel-vision and narrow-mindedness that you can't wait to get away from.

The One- These guys are cool; they're the diamonds that you come across once in a blue moon, the ones you're willing to sift through tons of silt for. Tons and tons and tons.

One good thing about being single, pushing 30 and having worried Indian parents who drag you off to a great big ceremonial prayer, is perhaps, waking up the next day to the newspaper with your photograph in it ;)

Don't say much!

 The messages I get from dating profiles online...

1) "Pleas Let me see your photo if you expressing your interest on my Profile or accept my interest on your profile. Its most impotent for me and for you. "

 

2) "SWEET GIRL,

MY NAME IS WILLSON, AM A BUSSINESS MAN BASED IN INDIA. BUT WELL EDUCATED,I SAW YOUR PROFILE AND HAD INTREST IN YOU. BABY GIRL I THINK BOTH OF US CAN MAKE IT.

PLEASE HIT ME UP WITH MY PERSONAL EMAIL ID,"

 

3) “ I am not diplomatic or matured in Presenting myself, but I do interact in straight reducing the Confusion and Assumption Rate in your mind regarding me. “

 

I have Earned my secured life by Gaining :

A. Secured Profession.

B. Money.

C. Savings.

D. Vehicle.

E. Love and caring Attitude..

 

" I am a common Man, You can find me Anywhere and Everywhere ".

 

4) "We are 3 sisters" (a guy with two sisters)

 

5) "FREE U.S.AMERICAN GREEN CARD and TAIWAN PR CARD,CITIZENSHIPS/PASSPORTS

(of both countries) !! ANYONE?Are you the age of 18~26?(Ages:19,22,26 are Best/Prefered) Dark or wheatish brown skin-complexioned?Average,athletic or slim body built?No tattoo?You may qualify for my FREE foreign ImmigrationStatus.No Joke!!No Scam!! I myself,my parents and relatives in USA and Taiwan(Asia)are Happy to help and give you a wedding with RollsRoyce or Bently rides. My family's immigration attorneys will help for sure. "

 

6) the truth is god. so m practicaled with truth. i hate all type of bad work, thought to action. m living divine life n searching a divine soulmate who understand the mean and importance of life, and practicaled with truth, we live every moment of our divine life. m a creative prsn-actor[theatre, tv, cinema], writer. thats all.

 

7)hi i want good life partner r lover best my chaise doctor Eng r beauty

 

8) hellow im not going to say any thing about me .

 

9) 

MY PREFERENCES

 

1. She must be a girl, nothing else will do.2. She must brush her own teeth.3. She must comb her own hair.4. She must know how to cook something, even if it is just Rice.5. She must know how to clean herself,6. She must be smart, intelligent, and confident in herself.7. She must know how to fight, and not submit to dangers.8. She must have the optimal figure of a healthy human being.9. She must be a fun loving and bold person.10. She must respect all elders.11. She must respect all youngsters.12. Most importantly she must respect herself.13. She must know how to play all indoor games, at least 2 games14. She can be a bathroom singer, provided the songs are reasonably good.15. Dress style does not matter, it’s entirely her wish.

 

10) Wife is a knife to slice life.

 

(Will be updated)