Facebook tells me that I wrote this in 2013:
Life seems full of these terrible twin questions...
Do I do what makes me happy or find joy in what I do?
Follow my heart or follow my mind?
Gulab Jamuns or Rasagullas?
Damn it all.....
I am surprised that ten years later, not much has changed in finding answers. Except the last one- definitely Gulab Jamuns anyday. The second question really hits hard. I don't know if it's just the people around me or have people generally become shittier human beings?
Pretty much everyone in my life- family and friends have next to no social media presence and/or passion. I don't know what they do. But what really baffles me is their reaction or lack thereof to all that I do. As I churn out pics and videos, I am amazed at the lack of appreciation, support, enthusiasm or passion for anything concerning what I do, from people who claim to love and value me. I feel like shouting. "Are you all dead inside? What's wrong with you?!"
More and more, people are becoming encased into tiny self-sufficient bubbles that contain their immediate families and their phones. There is a narrow conduit connecting them to the entire world that does have a million branches, yes, but the branches are flimsy ephemeral filaments that are not nurtured. Snap, and you're gone.
Recently, a young girl approached me asking me for advice on an essay she had to submit entitled 'Has the Internet brought the world closer?' The answer seems obvious but I'm not so sure. Everyone has access to everyone else, but is it more voyeurism than connection?
I don't write this from a place of sadness, more of surprise. I will always cheer on everyone in my life, and everything they do- with pom poms if I feel it necessary. But I've always been a loner. One of those people who built walls as a defense mechanism very early on in life that have enabled me to step away and step around people with relative ease. I am not saying it's right, of course, but seeing what people are like these days, maybe it's not such a bad thing after all. Gulab Jamuns give me all the warmth I want ;)
